Finding Strength in Weakness

This morning I woke up with a major attitude. Dear sweet Eden has been up again in the middle of the night the past few nights for various reasons ranging from dreams about dragons to just missing us, and our sleep patterns have been broken at best. Two nights ago when she woke up crying at the top of the stairs, Austin in his sleepy haze, thought someone had fallen down the stairs and bolts out of bed (with a groggy and confused me right behind him) and raced up the stairs at an Olympic pace to find the girls standing at the top waiting for us to comfort them. Once the fog had cleared and our heart rates came back down, it was back to bed for all of us for what was left of the night. Some nights, I think I might as well throw a newborn into the mix because that's about as much sleep as I feel that I get. (NOT pregnant, by the way.)

I often go to bed with prayers for forgiveness for being short tempered, impatient, or having the wrong priorities that day, drifting off with the best intentions of waking up a new and refreshed mom, ready to pour into my children the very best of me, showing the love of Christ in every situation and imparting wisdom, love and patience. Right...... Then I wake up on mornings like today, having overslept and missing out on my precious 30-60 minutes of quiet time to read my devotionals, catch up on emails and get myself mentally prepared for the day. Instead, I woke to a little chatterbox in my ear asking for me to banish the pretend spiders and webs she was "seeing" and making requests for milk and cereal before I even opened my eyes. And I was grouchy about it. Resentful even, despite the fact that my oversleeping was not her fault. (Well, it partly was, but still no reason to take my frustration out on her.)

And I realize that again, despite my best intentions the night before, I cannot be the mom I want to be out of my own strength. I just can't. All it takes is a sleepless night, a missed quiet time, an over-turned bowl of milk, a sibling fight before the coffee has hit my lips, and all of my good intentions can dissolve into frustrated responses and a shadow of the parent I desire to be.

BUT on the days that I intentionally slow down to whisper desperate prayers for patience, for eyes that see my life through His perspective, for a tongue that is slow and intentional to speak, for selflessness and the ability to see my service to my family as service to Christ, then something beautiful happens. The problems are still there. The inconveniences that come with life as an imperfect person surrounded by imperfect people are still there, but they do not overwhelm and break me down. When I live each moment through Christ's strength instead of my own, I am able to take each intrusion to what I perceive as a perfect day in stride. And I am able to look at these interruptions as opportunities for us all to grow and learn. And He changes me in these moments where life isn't picture perfect and I realize that these inconveniences aren't holding me back from life, they ARE life. It's all part of His process of refining us into the people He has made us to be. It's up to us to recognize and embrace these as opportunities instead of inconveniences.